What's My Motivation?
The rest of the work day is easy for you. The director bellows at you to stand right here and say your lines with "more zest" or "more pathos". Come on, you're talking about cattle! You catch some of the stagehands smirking about it, and share in making fun of him when he's not looking.
You're comfortable here in a way. You've got a job, a house, and friends. People admire "your" work and think you're having a good effect on the country. On the other hand... or paw, you think...
In an idle moment you stare at the black-furred, clawed hands this world gave you, and can't help glancing at your chest. The body's not what you're used to, and it means a different life than you ever expected. Is that so bad? Maybe your attitudes have shifted a bit. Depending on your feelings before you got zapped into the costume place, you might be disturbed to notice that guys like Wylan are actually... attractive, and that it's because of a random costume you put on. Who has the right to mess with your head like this? Then again, would it be any better if you'd hated every second as a half-animal woman and ended up killing yourself? Or if you'd gotten stuck with some kind of fish-monster costume, or replaced the Pretty Pink Princess of Pig World? In this form, you've got a choice about what to be and how to act. And there's always the chance of going back for a different costume, a different body and world.
But you can probably never go home again. You want to meet this wizard behind the game, and find out why he did it.
The filming for this movie is almost over. Turns out you're actually pretty good at this acting stuff. You definitely could use more lessons though.
That's your excuse for taking a walk with Bragho in the studio grounds that evening. Besides the two main studio halls, there're some shacks, a cafeteria, and so on. Some of the studio's land is left in natural forest, which makes the whole scent of the studio more peaceful. You're still not used to your sense of smell. It's not as powerful as you might have expected, but then you've kept your color vision. If the fox-folk were colorblind by human standards, would their screens use only red and blue?
"What're you thinking about?" asks Bragho.
You say, "This costume thing. How long have you been in this world, anyway?"
"A few years. I got tired of the game, and this place is all right."
You look around at the sunset over the valley. "Could've been worse. What were you to start with?"
He scratches his ear with a timid expression. "Let's just say I had cute little facial tentacles. Had my own spaceship back then, too... But those days're over." Together you walk into a prop warehouse, where in the dim light you spot dozens of ordinary movie costumes. "Since then I've been plenty of things. One time, I was a monster guarding this tower that got invaded by adventurers during a rainstorm. Then I was some kind of leather-winged guard working for a pink-skinned race with no claws or anything."
"Humans?" you say. "That's what I am! Was."
"Yeah, that was the species name. Same world then? Elemental magic, black hole looming in the sky?"
"No." Your ears droop. "So even if I find a human costume, I still might not get home."
"Not sure that's how it works. The costume was for the winged race, remember. Maybe the world counted as their homeworld. There's always a chance you can get back to your original world by finding the right outfit."
"So why haven't you --"
"I said because I'm sick of it!" snaps Bragho. He grabs a sequined cape from a rack. "Listen. You'll never see your world again. Not realistically. Either be Lenara, or run off and live under that other name, or resign yourself to dozens, maybe hundreds, of other worlds. Some of which are terrifying." He looks about to tear the cape in half as he holds it over his face. "You can't see what's on the other side. It's practically random. Is it worth giving up what you have here to get whatever might be behind the next door? Would you pick up a script and commit yourself to that role without reading it?"
"But you do get to read it when you jump in, and go back to the costume place if you hate it."
"Small consolation," says Bragho, and he puts the cape back. "From what you've told me, this is a good gig for you. Famous, gorgeous, and -- ah, never mind."
You blush, thinking again about the "deal" you've gotten here. For Bragho, maybe this species is monstrous.
He says, "Anyway, if you do go world-hopping, there are bonuses. I have a shapeshifting ability now, since this is my sixty-eighth outfit. But I'm done currying favor with the master wizard to get magic powers. If I ran that costume-world, it'd be different!"
You nod. "This is a lot to think about. Thanks, Bragho. I'm glad to have somebody that knows what I'm going through."
"Yeah," he says, looking off to one side. "If you need help with fox stuff, or girl stuff, or the local culture, ask. I've been through it."
"What about this empire -- the Fens?"
He shrugs. "Doesn't affect us much. Now the world with the black hole, that had some evil empires. This one's just mildly oppressive."
You tell him about Eloy. Bragho says, "Sounds like a fop. Fens usually are. Just don't tell him about the costumes, or you might get drafted as a supposed magic-user."
You laugh nervously. "All right."
"How's your house, by the way? Looked pretty bare from what I saw."
"I've hardly noticed, but yeah. Didn't come with Lenara's things."
"That's typical. Want to do some shopping? Holy day's tomorrow if you don't know; can't act then. We could go into the city." He pauses from his nonchalant inspection of more costume racks. "Although, it's kind of pointless to buy anything if you're leaving by month's end."
You frown; he's right. "I do have free starting money though."
"Yeah. You could treat it as just a game if you want. And you've got wages coming."
It could be fun to see more of the world -- that city you saw on the map earlier. Tonight you should probably stay off the streets, after what happened the other night. What do you want to do on your day off tomorrow?
Written by Snow on 20 June 2010
