status quo
You have no idea what to do to "learn to accept yourself", and therefore you just settle for a comfortable routine, farming at day, and eating at the fire by evening, and sleeping with Enja at night. You think of this routine as temporary, so you don't bother getting to know Enja or anyone else, you just need to get this over with and get on with your life.
Everyone is out by the bonfire at night. They're eating, chatting, laughing. You like this, you never have to eat alone. There's always company. Enja is sitting beside you, laughing, talking to everyone. You admire her for being so outgoing, so proud of herself. You let your hand rest on top of hers and she turns to you, stunned. You feel at smile growing and she smiles at you, tilting her head. You just squeeze her hand.
That night Enja lays closer to you. You lay closer to her. She reaches up to touch your ears.
"This doesn't have to be a curse," her voice is so vulnerable, and even though you can't make out her face in the dark you know it is too.
"I know," you reply. You don't talk a lot, barely ever to other people than her. Your voice is still so weird to you. "But as soon as it doesn't feel that way, I'll have to go."
She doesn't say anything else, she just keeps stroking your ears.
You grow closer and closer, and you notice the signs. Casual touches, brief smiles, compliments. You like her. It scares you. If you fall in love, you won't want to leave, but if you accept yourself, you'll have to.
Written by AnxiousRomeo on 21 September 2017
